This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
