Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
