yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
