We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
