I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
