standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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