the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize