i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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