I think I won the penis lottery.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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