I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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