I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
