I accidentally had phone sex last night
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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