It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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