Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
