I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize