Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
