I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
