I wanna bring you to show and tell
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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