Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
