i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
