2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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