she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize