dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
