he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
