I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
