Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
