Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
