i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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