Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
