Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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