people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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