I want to make a zoo with you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
