Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
