I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
