i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
