When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize