Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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