he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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