This dress was meant to end up on your floor
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
