He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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