Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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