Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
