it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize