me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
