Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
