and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize