Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
