Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
