I cockslap morals
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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