She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize