yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
