I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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