he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
