i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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