i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
