careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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