I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
