Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
