anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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