So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just puked most of my soul out..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
