I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
well, you know. whores of a feather.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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