I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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