Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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