I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
