gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
