The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
