He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
