you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
