the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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