Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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