Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
