saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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