you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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