I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
