Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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