I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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