i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
