I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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