does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
