I'm so fucking centered right now
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize