I think my fart just growled at me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
