apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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