I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
