Taylor Swift is so right about you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
