Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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