I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
