she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
