i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
