In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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