Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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