time to smoke my breakfast
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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