Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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