I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
