i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
