i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
