Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
