you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
