just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
