I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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