clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he fucked my hip out of place.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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