My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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