i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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