Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she told me i tasted like america
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
