I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
