You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
